Start here
You don't have to know what to call it yet.
Most people arrive here in the middle of a question, not at the end of one. Find the sentence below that sounds closest to your situation. It takes you straight to the part that applies to you.
If you need help right now
- In immediate danger: call 911.
- To talk to an advocate: the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233, 24/7, or text START to 88788. You do not have to be planning to leave to call.
- If you are in crisis: call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, 24/7.
Worried someone can see what you look at? The red bar at the top of every page on this site will take you to Google immediately. It is also worth knowing that a browser's history, and sometimes a shared phone plan, can show what was opened.
Which of these sounds most like right now?
Pick the closest one. There is no wrong choice, and you can come back.
“I don't know if what's happening to me counts as abuse.”
Am I Being Abused?
Why the uncertainty itself is a documented part of how this works.
“I keep asking myself whether I'm overreacting.”
Am I Overreacting?
What it means when you keep asking that about one particular person.
“Nobody has hit me, but something is really wrong.”
What Is Emotional Abuse?
The line between a hard relationship and a pattern of control.
“I can't tell what's real anymore. I doubt my own memory.”
Gaslighting
How it works, and why it is so effective on people who are not gullible.
“I'm careful all the time. I manage their mood before it happens.”
Walking on Eggshells
One of the most common ways people describe this before they have a word for it.
“They yell. A lot. But everyone argues, right?”
Is Yelling Abuse?
What separates a heated argument from a pattern that controls you.
“I don't have access to my own money.”
Financial Abuse
How money is used as a system of control, and what recovery options exist.
“I know it's bad. I still can't seem to leave.”
Why Leaving Is So Hard
The attachment research that explains why “just leave” misses the point.
“This was my childhood. I'm an adult and it still shapes me.”
Emotionally Abusive Parents
What the long-term research shows about adult survivors.
“It isn't me. I'm worried about someone I love.”
For Allies & Loved Ones
What actually helps, what to say, and what to avoid saying.
“I'm afraid I might be the one causing harm.”
Am I the One Doing This?
Asking the question honestly is not the same as being beyond change.
“I'm a clinician or advocate looking for material.”
For Therapists & Clinicians
Research summaries and printable handouts, free to use with clients.
None of those quite fit?
Two other ways in. The reflection quiz asks a few questions and points you somewhere specific. The education hub is the full library if you would rather browse it yourself.
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